with this candle.
i'll light your way.
with this hand,
i'll lift your sorrows.
with this wine.
your cup will never be empty.
cos i'll be your wine...

my shattered dreams and broken heart.
and mending on the shelf.
i saw you holding hands.
standing close to someone else.
now i sit all alone.
wishing all my feelings was gone.
i gave my best to you.
nothing for me to do.
but have one last cry.one last cry.
before i leave it all behind.
i gotta put you out of my mind this time.
stop living a lie.
i guess i'm down to my last cry.

cry....

i was here.
you were there.
guess we never could agree.
while the sun shines on you.
i need some love to rain on me.
still i sit all alone.
wishing all my feelings was gone.
gotta get over you.
nothing for me to do.
but have one last cry.
one last cry.
before i leave it all behind.
i gotta put you out of my mind
for the very last time.
been living a lie.
i guess i'm down.
そら

Posted at 11:39 PM

I should let it fade bah.. haha
anyway I will Feel Hatred...
Its not really worth more to hold on... lol
If she one day comes back then say.. haha

Why cant love be juz that pure and simple?

haha
そら

Posted at 7:04 PM

Pieces
The Bottom Line...
Diet applies to more than just food. Cut back on things that don't make you happy.

In Detail...
You're caught in a relationship triangle, but it's not with two lovers. There is a third person present who is definitely interfering with a current love interest or a potential one. The trick is to defuse this situation so it doesn't turn into your own private telenovela. Step out of this complicated dance, and focus on what matters at the center of your primary alliance. Then pinpoint the easiest, least dramatic action, and do it.



Aquarius


The Bottom Line...
Don't give up on what you want -- stand your ground and be patient. It will happen.

In Detail...
Feeling like this relationship is a struggle for control? Well, maybe that's a big part of the problem. Drop the battle for supremacy and figure out a way to have a partnership. The first step is to not excuse behavior -- yours or the other person's -- that makes you angry or sad. Along the way, it's time to realize that you have much more say in this relationship than you originally thought. Believing this is the first step to freeing yourself.


Am I so Kinda Bored till I read Horoscopes thingy? lol i dun used to resort to this.. haha
そら

Posted at 9:39 PM

after 3 days of inactiveness... I finally have an interesting thing to update le... cuz today take bus 19 home tat driver drove a whole big round becuz the usual route had to be closed for making road... but the bus 19 suppose to take the bus 969 tat route tat go towards the library.. but instead he went straight... and took the bus 293 road... den the pple on board was having a big reaction on this lol in the end the bus driver dulan and let those tat wanna go off the bus to go down... and some aunty remain on that bus and kpkb and tell the driver how to go and alibaba.. bla bla bla... lol not happy juz get down still stay there kpkb... lol also tat driver stupid dunno where to go... haha

back to me myself and I... I think I should let My Feelings Fade?? cuz its really no hope on it... haha.. cuz all she have is guilt from all her email... haha anyway ever since I told myself that I wont change to anyone anymore theres no more hope le.. haha.. she says she hate smoker.. haha... the only 2 thing which I dont think I can forgive is the playing of my feelings and her so call "hatred for smoker" kinda fake.. haha.. maybe there will be a time where the more i think the more I will hate it to the core... haha... maybe i will juz turn crazy if any other girl would tell mi that.. lol

Hmm a little more I hate about... is..................................... FLYING BUGS!... why I hate it... cuz its creepy to me... and it might sting!.. and it might bite!... and it gives me goosebumps.... lol =P

gone~
そら

Posted at 5:50 PM

Kinda Late update =P... well nothin to write much about juz to update it only.. haha... on tuesday after listening to jennifer i felt that yeah she's rite... its so stupid... I decided to let go and forget everything.. though it still flashes back when its a place of memories... haha juz like the tying of hair so dam stupid haha... why become so Screwed up for a girl who played my Feelings haha... the more I think the more I find it reasonable...

yes yesterday eat supper screwed WQ up till he got nothin to say.. =P so song.. always say mi now he die untill veri jialat.. wahaha

gone~
そら

Posted at 1:52 PM

haha... kinda feeling down lol... so farking angry... i think so... lol say dun like smoker.. in the end her crush is a farking heavy smoker... she said herself hahah wth this world is turning into.. lol... anyway Im trying to forget her.. =P haha slowly bah... kinda tired of tying my hair... lol juz as tired as wat im doin now... haha maybe she nv meant to be mine... not Me nv meant to be hers like wat she fear when I suddenly nv go out with her tat time... lol

Anyway so Jealous and Envious of daniel now bah... haha got girl always find him chat haha... one thing I dun like daniel joking abt is using "dunno like whose girl run away with other" to suan... so farking angry... juz tat nv tell him... fook him

Anyway Getting crappy keep feeling unwell and tired... nowadays in class keep feel like sleeping hardly listen to the lesson... argH... fook lol

outta here
そら

Posted at 10:09 PM

today jeesheng de bdae... haha he took 200 to treat us marina there and all no mood to eat haha.. wasted... lol today Played initial D keep bang wall lol wth... den at fisherman there drink beer drink until face red red all the place I went today all are so deep in my memories.. so cant help thinking of her =P anyway Im getting better day by day.. juz so that I hope i wont be a burden to her.. haha juz to let her be happy =P nothin to write anymroe so i dtop her wahaha
そら

Posted at 12:49 AM

6 days had passed... Im getting much more better now... =) I think by monday i can laugh like I usually do le haha although not smile... haha also hope by monday my illness would be fine by then... haha.. nothin much to write cuz there isnt any fascinating things in my life currently.. lol the most is keep ranting abt how sad I am which I think its Freaking F up.. not like a man.. haha

gone from here le =P
そら

Posted at 11:59 AM

a few Hours ago... I Told Her that I will Hold on and carry on jioing her... but she told mi that it will only hurt me more... Iden she said to me She will be Normal and said she and her crush went out almost everyday... I think its fake.. she says it in a moment of spite.. that what It seems... yes I might be Bluffing Myself... dunno.. I had this determination to continue wooing her... and It seems that I will not care how she spites me... I dun mind her Nastiness to shoo me away...

but after goin to coffee shop and fren hse to watch a Movie on Advent Children and abt 1 korean movie... which is quite touching... I feel that really that guy is dumb and y not go on trying to get ahead with her instead of keeping to himself and cry... he watch her goin with a guy and watched her aborting and how she bled after an aerobics performance and how it broke his heart... It was funny and touching... how he dumbly cared for the girl and tried to make her laugh after her traumatic experience by rubbing onions onto his eyes and suffocating himself with plastics... but it ended with happy ending as usual wat show would do... haiz

after that which I went home at 1am+ and now Reaching home to write this blog.. when I walked alone.. It really felt empty as the road i used to walked always have the chance to chat with her... but now it seems so empty... and wondering what I am doin isit rite or not? jiu chan bu qing is also a painful thing to do... and a burden to the other... what can I do? I shouted towards the sky hoping god will enlighten me... but the more I do it the more hopeless I got.. how I wish some 1 was so experienced will sit by me and tell mi wat to do... and whether what I did was right anot.. I believed that if leaving her is wat it meant to be wise.. i rather I am stupid my life... cuz wat if she is the love of my life? I shldnt juz let go... juz like yanhao says... if she held on to it maybe it would had continue long.. and not juz becuz of a crush.. cuz it will soon go off.. one thing yanhao enlightened me abt being able to control the girl... I guess my believe was right.. if the girl would hold on.. u shake her with wat ever u have she will still be there... haha I think its the other way round for me though...

juz like the show I watched which i mentioned earlier.. the guy really is so dam dumb... he sold of the ring which the girl Liked so much to get her the item and things which she really needed after her abortion... he might had touched her with that ring... but he begged the shop to take it back even if they are willing to juz return 50bucks to him... he was always behind secretly taking care of her... I really hope I would meet sme person which could enlighten mi on this maybe to me I am juz her crush.. how I really missed the way she hinted me on her crush on me... although she always tells me she forgotten abt it... haha how i wished she would sms or Pm me and say she really regreted it and come back.. how i wish it was the way like b4... but now really done.. How I wish she was like yuna.. always searching for tidus.. and I was Like tidus how he wished to show yuna zarnakand the place which he live and how wonderful it was.. but he had to go becuz he is oni a dream in a real world.. and Illusion... right now she is my dream... a dream that had faded... The oni think I could do is keep searching for her... and nv forget abt it... I dunno despite the way she treats me now... My Feelings grows each Day... and getting my heart even rotten as each day passes... I also hoped that she would read this blog... well I dunno.. maybe she was too angry for what I told her abt wanting to continue jioing her back... to read anymore.. she lament me abt y i cant let her be the way she is now... Love Hurts but if Theres no hurt there wun be love... juz like suan tian ku la(sour sweet bitter and hot) its same as relationship first its sour den sweet comes by... followed by bitter... and hot is both had been thru all those which is so loving now... me and my theory.. haha the only thing which I think that will bring me happiness only is her... I can only smile and laugh normaly without faking it... also only with her... juz like that short moment of happiness she gave... Now its juz back to.. "smiling is so stupid" the old way of me already... haha... I also dunno why she show me that magazine abt the person whose love is like us.. oni its the other way round.. cuz she left for her crush... and the person writing back to the girl who wrote to the magazine says that teenagers love may find that they lose Feelings overnight... But why I dun... i dunno... maybe she should read it herself and not me... all that I have done till now I had believed its right... but Im now wavering in the middle thinking whether its wrong or right... also Theres no source there wun be mistakes... The only thing that can let me ease even a little bit is by crying and crying myself to sleep... but ya maybe its swollen and maybe my glands are dried up now... I juz cant drop even a single tears... and maybe Im Numbed... I think I stop here... If I continue on maybe I can write a whole dam database of words already....

god wouldnt u even save ur son? Enlighten me plz~ be it wateva religion..
そら

Posted at 1:28 AM

This post is For sept 14...

Dunno why I juz Had this Feeling to buy Her something. dunno really... I noe veron told mi this only Makes me harder to forget her... but I juz dun 1 to stop at here.. at first wanted to ask if she at home b4 goin... well.. juz kept my phone and go instead.. so was waiting for quite sometime behind her block... also at 1st she didnt wan to accept My Gift... and I was so Dam Pissed that I actually send it Flying and hit the Dustbin... after That She sms by saying sorry for wasting My Money.. haha hope? lol I lost it.. I'm Now Dangling in Mid air with oni a thin rope... if I drop from there now Its over for me.. den when I was smoking I saw 1 aunty kicking the dam present and picked it up... soft Hearted as I do since young.. I hurried to take it back from the person... Yes I dun get angry Easily because of this very same reason also..even if I do its only short term...

[Relationships are meant to be Broken?]
[I dunno if this Is true... but this is wat art told me... I tot abt this and... maybe Its so dam true cuz pple still will woo girls tat are attached.. those are the freaking bastards.. ]

after which she sat there crying after a few SMS, infront of me... I dunno is she wanted to go back to pick it up or is she juz come back to see if I'm gone... but when She cried I felt like a Bastard.... which makes Me wants to cheer her up even If I feel like goin to suicide... cuz I juz cant bear to see her unhappy... and yet I juz cant believe she juz went away from me cuz she Likes some 1 juz recently.... sometimes how I wish I juz learnt how to smoke... den I can smoke until I get Giddy and Cannot stay awake...

after which she slowly got better we went to some place to eat prawn dumplings and bla... well from there she slowly makes me want to smile... but I was smiling reluctantly... yes a short term happiness... this makes Me even goin to believe theres only happiness with her... but I juz cant Believe she Recover so fast... 1 moment shes upset and crying and the other moment she can laugh and smile so happily... really I duno how she can do it... in the End she brought mi to interchange juz to buy me a shirt B4 she is willing to accept the gift... anyway dunno what shes tinking...

she told me b4... her Minds wanted to regret but her heart doesnt have The will and she fears hurting me again if she comes back... really I dunno is Juz me or wateva... it juz feels like she left Me cuz of that dam fear... she wan to forget me and let me go becuz of that fear... she say she will oni return if she really really really regrets it and assured that she wun hurt mi again... the oni thing I tot of how to make her regret is oni suicide.. haha but I still so insane to that section... but this Feelings Is getting stronger everytime... cuz from what it seems... it seems that she will not be able to regret... haha... hey god above.. cant u help mi... haiz.. she told me to smile like I did but can I? Its becuz of her I smile... if she wan me to smile.. smile for who? and smile to who?
also I really hope she wun bluff herself so that it allows her not to cry... and also she shldnt Leave Me juz becuz of her fears... I duno if she cares for me or is juz frenly care... she shouldnt even care if she doesnt even have the feelings.... what I saw in Friendster Bulletin to tell girls...
"Nv care too much if u dun like that person cuz the guys will think elsewise" but I also hope she wun stop caring for me juz cuz oni she wants me not to have anymroe feelings for her... but right now whatever she do still cant sway my heart... the things she do to sway me from this Love only Makes me more Miserable... more tong ku and also holding even tighter...

Fate..
Fate in Love which I believed... shld be Created from the side which either the guy or girl... take 2 parallel lines for example... each line represent each gender... if the girl Like guy she shld make it for tat line to sway even a little so that she will meet the other line... and vice versa for the guy... and then they will surely Meet and cross each other... Losing this chance may juz cut across each other without goin on the same road as each other... For Me the angle of line go towards the other had too great an angle... which hits hard onto the other line... which makes me so crappy now...

nothin more to say... so I end here
そら

Posted at 9:58 AM

Today.. I told Myself I wont cry and I did... Nothin was Like the way I used to be.. nothin mean anything and Exam doesnt really matter to Me... Love was Too Hard a thing for mi to experience... Tying My Hair represent the holding on of my Feelings for her... No matter what I will Tie the Hair till Its the day where I can Really Let go... as It will remind Me of This Love... My one and Only Deep love... which Let me sinks so Deep into it... saw her eyes red but dunno if Shes crying... Chi qing de ren easy get hurt.. I guess this is What it meant bah... Loving her was 1 of My Lifes best Experience up till now... cant face her anymore... cuz seeing her face juz shakes me hard... haha... Juz like what my Blog's title said... I will be Juz Doing that.. Dun keep lamenting urself anymore if u ever see this blog again though... I will Continue to write although im not always tat hardworking... I cant Cry now.. I'm same as Half dead.. so I think theres no more emotion now in me... juz like art says.. I'm Zombified...

I tried veri hard to take you out of ur past.. the way which u are sort of "changed" by tat Ex of yours to be used to that to be controlled to be played like a puppet.... but nevertheless you tao bi yi qie...(escape reality) instead of being freed u liked being caged... you Feel uneasy being uncaged.. (uncontrolled) you based everything on your Feelings... that what leads to unwanted stuff happening.. This Might be Farking Angry for u to read but that juz wat I feel.. I have no right to Say those stuff to you yes.. you are still Holding on to the Past even If you say No... Its is from wat I seen... But also another reason was you being played by ur heart... and loved elseone... but I dunno who... but I think I was sure u will treasure Me like the way u wanted me to... but U made this decision juz Based on Recent Feeling of the guy.. unless is those u noe longer den Mi that i have nothin to say... But better not Be YOUR FARKING EX I would Do worst den disfiguring myself...
そら

Posted at 4:55 PM

Gone... a BIG FARKING THE END FOR MI!!! Nothin is Meaningful to me anymore!
そら

Posted at 11:21 PM

Right now I'm very scared so unsure... I'm scared of Losing her again... Normally when Toking this kind of things I will have a pain... How do I describe it.. Its like Electric Wave Sent out by Heart its Pain and Numb... she Told me she is suspicious of her feelings.. which make mi scared even more... why is she scared why cant I trust her... why she have to tell mi that I cant trust her... I'm scared is there anyone out there to help me? I shld be angry when she went out with guys.. why shld I when its her freedom... and why is she guilty for Mixing with guys... I'm so Confused and scared now.. Tears always tried to break free I'm juz this weak little guy here... I'm really Scared... afraid.. why cant she juz affirm to me that she loves me... so at the least I wont feel so insecure... and also not say something like she will leave me cuz I let her have her way.. why does she have to say till as if she is goin to like another guy... theres so much "why" which I cant say with my mouth.. why does she says tat no 1 control her is like she dun have stead.... I'm so afraid and scared... Really... I hope I can hold on and nv let go... Really Depressed
そら

Posted at 3:14 AM

Hmm.. Today Nv go school juz to go out with friends and go cut hair... haha..bloody hell Meet 2pm in the end 4++pm den Reach -.- den after that went to the salon tat we usually go haha... they gave us a magazine to look at the hair we wan to cut... lol in The end saw 1 guy which looks totally Like Eugene haha den I saw a hairstyle with the sides that I Really Like haha so I told the stylist to cut it haha... in the end my Er.. -.- Fringe became short... argH ! anyway its not really short its juz tat they bring it higher haha tat y look short =P wanted to keep a tail.. but feel tat its too short so dropped the idea le haha

In The End stuck at Ngee ann city veri long b4 deciding abt where to go after cutting hair.. haha and went to arcade -.- den sian father called to go home and move the dam fridge cuz new fridge coming tml morning... haha den the whole kitchen was omg... so dirty -.- den went to bath... after awhile heard yihui's call and he said 5min more reaching and wtf i rush all the way there argH! den juz came back and saw Kevina's testi haha so cute... =P hmm off i go... haha

___________________________________________________________________
そら

Posted at 11:39 PM

go to sch nothin to do today... haha same as everyday trying to steal my teacher Freddie's money from his pocket... haha den after sch went back home -.-

after that kevina called and told mi her contact lens gone from her eyes haha.. after that met her at yishun interchange and before she came theres a malay boy beside entertaining his mother doin all sort of idiotic things.. lol after meeting her she told me she 1 to go to the toilet instead of the interchange 1 she went to the 1 in north point omg -.- den after tat she went to pay her hp's bill haha.. den went to watch "One More Chance" by Jack Neo quite alot of bullshit lol short story... but ok bah... =P not doin a movie review lol...

after that walk thru the reservoir and -.- alot "Creatures" kns... lol den grass makes my legs so itchy -.- after that at safra she took idiotic pictures of me =P and walk till we reach a park... and had 2 indians following us make me tot they wanna try something funny lol in the end they detour earlier den us lol after that sat at the Hmm.. Shelter? till ard 11pm lol really happy to be able to spend time with her.. haha always dun feel like goin early but too bad bus goes early hahaha k bah tats abt it... =P

.........................................................................------------------------------------------------------
そら

Posted at 11:57 PM

today late for sch again... woke up late also... haha lucky is ITE if not dunno kena suspension in my previous sec sch liao mah... haha that daniel bring some show and shit in his MP3 in the end cant be opened -.- and then went out of sch for lunch.. looking for fried kway teow but -.- run 1 whole dam big round all is either nv open or closed down liao... kns... den went to market to eat... and that freaking robin dunno what he do always manage to find a stall selling fried kway teow... argH...

den after lunch le at lab 2 so bored doing nothin so we went to the room behind the classroom to sit and that daniel hand itchy found a trolley -.- and play as if he is skateboarding pro -.- in the end I ask kel to go out and film him haha den asked daniel to act like ghost haha floating pass the window of room haha look kinda fake also... haha thats shld be it for today.. haha

Hmm oh ya.. bloody NTUC better gimme a call.. say today or ytd will call nv heard a single ring on my phone... -.-


Drifting away!~
そら

Posted at 9:36 PM

ArgH~... Late for Sch By an Hour -.- slept like bloody pig till i woke at 7.45pm and reach sch at 9am+ ... haha.. den after that dunno wat mok test thing den go after finishing the test played with KK's water bottle didnt know it will squirt if squeezed and end up squirting water at joshua's Private area... omg -.- and die liao... freddie teach new things today and i duno wat shit his toking about... die...

After that Heard Kel found a job so after sch went with him and MR..Daniel to NTUC there to interview... and that stupid ass was away for lunch... argH... den had to follow tat two idiot to toilet and wait for them to bombard OSAMA and Hussein... -.- den in the end went back to look for that supervisor... and was asked to wait there... in the end we talked abt hows the size of tat supervisor.... Daniel said about the guy being small size and abit gayish... haha and den for Me is "wow carry goods sure big size..." and kel said u all 1 say big 1 say small i nothin say le mah... sure is average... hahaha... in the end daniel won the guess... haha sad thing is they oni nid 2pple -.- sian... thats juz about that for today bah....
そら

Posted at 11:48 PM

Lol today funny... doing the presentation haha all presenting groups are like jokers... haha all pple rushing the stupid powerpoint with the sch computers hahaha..

Today watched herbie with kevina... haha so funny that show.. oso veri exaggerating especially the driving part... hahaha den after eating dinner met veron with her and went to bugis to help her find jobs den walk around bugis junction haha... but before all this when i meeting her at khatib.. she attack mi from behind !! argH!! lucky nv kena scared.. hahah also nothin more to write =P
そら

Posted at 2:16 AM

Morning 8am was supposed to meet friend to play bball.. in the end 9am hui call mi den i wake up kns forget put alarm clock lol den in the end go there play 1 match only den sit there tok tok only... hahaha den jason lim came and played bball but dunno do wat den the toe nails come out and was bleeding like hell.. so disgusting.. haha

Today also nothin to do go hui's house awhile den go liao... the prob is on the way there it rained -.- when i reach it stopped and on the way back it rained again and when i reach home it stop.. omg god is playing with me hahaha

So Dulan with the ESR stupid car team for Maximum Tune the cb jason hu might as well ask him be leader and use the dictartorship style of ruling let him make the freaking decision suan le ma de hui spend 100dollar on the car they wan use his car to Duplicate or got pple compete use his card.. what farking prob with them? car not he pay 1 y wan to take and dupe? oso that car is his personal car y muz let u use to compete? farking brainless dick man -.- and that hui still stood there keep quiet when he was the 1 complaining to mi... fark man... smack that farking jason hu's distorted freaking monster mutated face....

Driving away~
そら

Posted at 9:55 PM

Hmm... Always in Sec sch I would whine abt the performance being long and tedious but after todays' first ITE Teachers' day Concert I feel tat i Would rather sit in the Hall of Sec sch than in ITE's LOL cuz the performance is boring to the bone haha and also went to sch for nothin as theres no lesson wat so eva... haha

Evening went out with Kevina saw her fren veronica for the first time close up... haha was late for 15min omg -.- and went to KK's house to pass him the Microsoft Office's CD... was waiting for him under his block and Found a Thick Book something like yellow Page... and she Put that cd inside tat book lol and ask KK to find den after he found it i say the cd key is inside the book oso lol(which actually is behind the package) and he was over there finding and flipping the pages haha which later that took buses to Compass Point to find yvonne lol she look so blur lol and was over there folding shirts the whole time haha den after dinner we went to the pasar malam and
-.- a whole dam pile of undies selling for 50ct per piece kns lol... After that took bus 965 to woodlands where 1dollar was lost when we are arguing who shld keep LOL and den took 969 again to go back omg -.- haha

Later in The night was goin to meet daniel and those gays for supper who noes bus 293 got 1 guy duno is mad or wat... goin bonkers keep goin like "PSst.. UMm .. uMm" and was jerking his head.. omg he was wearing those office wears is nowadays working stress to much that they begin to explore new ways of destressing? omg freaking commuters makes a good destressing method hahaha...

Fade in The Nitez...
そら

Posted at 1:44 AM