lol annie called up with a birthday song..
how sweet of her for i oni met her once..
at least she takes more effort for frens rather den her..
who oni remembers pple ill treating her..
nv appreciate pple being gd to her..
and remembers fun with pple..

back to track..
do you still feel for me or its fading?
since desmond seems juz like ur bf i have no choice but to do this..
for i dun feel ur enthusiasm or ur love anymore..
so juz read the other post too if u think ur not in the wrong or juz slightly den thats it.. the 3 choices below will have its 2nd and 3rd choice nullified..
so..
i had decided for a few days asked alot of people for opinions..
thinking of solutions to this r/s..
for i still wan to hold on deep in my heart..
but.. nah lets juz get to the main point..
so..
cracked my brain to think of what to do..
and came out with 3 choices :

1st: is to reduce back to paper white relationship.. which means a break up

2nd: to put this on hold and understand each other more.

3rd: to continue this relationship

after u read this maybe u will wan to leave the answer somewhere...
im sorry im juz a weak guy..
i feel that i dun have the strength anymore to be able to suffer while giving u time u are juz drifting away day by day..
so..
you think its worth it for a friend and lose the r/s?
i believe jeremiah lost his cool cuz of similar case?
oh i forgot its mr teo now.. not mr foo le..
that the end of wad i wan to say..

`dilemma
そら

Posted at 5:53 PM

briefing thru her blog..
i found this..

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

somehow, everything comes flooding back into my mind again.
many stuffs that i've never been bothered by before are irritating me right now.
i don't wanna think so much and look so much into it.
i don't wanna know any thing at all.
saturday is reaching, guess i'll be rotting at home.
he doesn't care at all.
all he cares about is his stupid mahjong, stupid friends, stupid EX, stupid billard, stupid pool, stupid handphone and stupid what so ever.
1 month is really of no significant?
i really wonder..
guess i'll have to find out all the answers myself one day and wallow in self-sympathise.
whatever.
i'm tired.
going off to bed already.
i miss him, badly.

-bummed [ 1:06 AM ]


Sunday, March 05, 2006

perharps i rushed my feelings a little.
i mean, in the sense that, i immediately put in so much feelings, that lead me into having insecurity.
i shouldn't rush at all.
in the first place this relationship is too fast-going.
i should slow down the pace and everything
i've got a feeling that this relationship is coming to an end too.
guess i won't be putting in much this time round.

went to sentosa with baby and his friends yesterday,
had lots of fun sand throwing and stuffs.
a little dumb i know.
hah.



-bummed [ 10:28 AM ]

to say the exact truth..
this is wad i felt..
do you still remember the feeling of this post u had made?
そら

Posted at 6:48 PM

once again i woke up right in the middle of the night..
why am I always doin so recently..
am i stupid for staying quiet?
if such little contact made is enough for a relationship..
what exactly does a relationship needs?
そら

Posted at 2:04 AM

Zero Contact..
getting from bad to worst..
my mind juz cant be put at ease..
if only she had gave me more strength more security..
i still will find it easier to be able to give her the time to change..
she juz doesnt treat me as wat im suppose to be..
she says she doesnt wan to be sticky..
yet..
she sticks to a guy..
a guy that she affirm abt being nothin between them..
so since when am i important?
no..
im juz an escapism..
a something which can be relied on when needed..
thrown aside when not needed..
for god sake..
why would all the girlfren i had are like that?
haven i given enuff tolerance?
does she give a dam abt how I feel? or did she put herself in my shoes?
everyone told me that i had rushed things in..
but wad can i do?
for i do love her..
for your mr teo is so important that u feel bliss..
for his the 1 that seems to be ur bf and not me..
am i ur bf or him?
do u choose him or me?
i believe my time with u is goin to be finished soon..
i dun think im being paranoid here.. but..
its juz getting too out of hand for me to handle..
either i choose to have an emotion break down or maybe to retain my normal self..
i have to choose..
all this choices always leave me with no choice..
SO GOD CANT U STOP PLAYING ARD WITH ME?
plz smite me if u wan my time to be up..
dun leave me always ard with emptiness..
to be wary is that so wrong with it?
wary of getting my feelings hurt am i wrong?
cant u consult some 1 more neutral on this matter?
i had consulted girls..
GIRLS that i rarely contact with too..
all gave me the same freaking answer..
am i too sensitive?
so can u find any guy who would stay quiet with all this incident?
if u find so den bless you for he wouldnt even care..
everyones told me "there's something wrong"
that make me began to ponder..
would such a thing be so true?
i juz hope i dun go till im on the verge of breaking down..
wat a birthday present..
thx u god.. for pinching me like an ant..
my tolerance is breaking down too..
if so would paper white be good?
i dunno..
im the 1 suffering while she's the 1 enjoying outside..
im the 1 that cant get to sleep properly..
so do i really have a gf?
its still like the veri normal life i lived b4 being with her..
the loneliness..
hah!
its juz right before my eyes she's my gf..
its juz right before my eyes i had parents..
but i dunn feel a gf care..
and definitely i dun feel like im having parents..
a single hand can count my true frens..
how i wish i could be drunk everyday..

so whats wrong with wanting to see you everyday?
whats so wrong abt it?
can u tell me why?
haiz..

its tired`
そら

Posted at 4:48 PM

Its sad to see how ur fren went out without asking you out bah...
its seriously a total bull..
and it feel that im so drifting apart with her..
will this be the end soon?
afterall versus is the place she always have..
Frequent goin out and Zero time with me..
its so sad to see how my life turn its back on me..
so is this life? or Does it tells me to juz end it?

suicidal`
そら

Posted at 8:25 AM

its been quite awhile since i blogged.. still im the 1 with r/s problem..
why is it so hard for me to get a stable 1 though?
i duno but maybe im juz so cursed..
the feeling she give me is like she totally dun care what i think and what i feel.. and she nv put herself in my shoes and think from my point of view..
given many advices from frens even they couldnt put up with wad she had done bah.. yes every girl will have at least 1 close frens who are guy..
but since she have a bf le shldnt there be a little self restraint?
like balancing out the time between frens and bf?
and not turning down the offer to meet her and instead meet other guys?
thx to xiaohui who help me figured this out man..
if not for her im still stuck in the dilemma..
girls that i ask for help all said that at least there muz be abit of self restraint bah..
not say like bcuz of bf pang seh fren.. but balancing between time for fren and bf is kinda needed bah..
yes i noe the loneliness u do feel at home..
but shldnt i be ur emotional support?
am i that unreliable?
but do u really feel wad i feel?
like how each time u mention that desmond name?
i noe u wan trust.. but trust isnt what it says and can be done juz by saying..
isnt wad trust shld be gained?
so do you think this is call gaining trust?
i do wan to understand you so cant u take a bit of time to talk abt how u feel?
how u feel when ur alone at home..
wad do u think abt when ur alone?
do u feel depress or lonely when your at home?
and wad am i to u? a pastime?
even if its juz 1min..
at least let me feel some security?
so i wont be so frantic and worry abt u tat much?
そら

Posted at 12:49 PM

Feelings - Morris Albert

Feelings, nothing more than feelings
Trying to forget my feelings of love
Teardrops rolling down on my face
Trying to forget my feelings of love
Feelings, for all my life I'll feel it
I wish I've never met you, girl
You'll never come again
Feelings, wo-o-o feelings
Wo-o-o, feel you again in my arms
Feelings, feelings like I've never lost you
And feelings like I've never have you again in my heart
Feelings, for all my life I'll feel it
I wish I've never met you, girl
You'll never come again
Feelings, feelings like I've never lost you
And feelings like I've never have you again in my life
Feelings, wo-o-o feelings
Wo-o-o, feel you again in my arms
Feelings, wo-o-o feelings
Wo-o-o, feel you again in my arms
そら

Posted at 7:00 AM