but after goin to coffee shop and fren hse to watch a Movie on Advent Children and abt 1 korean movie... which is quite touching... I feel that really that guy is dumb and y not go on trying to get ahead with her instead of keeping to himself and cry... he watch her goin with a guy and watched her aborting and how she bled after an aerobics performance and how it broke his heart... It was funny and touching... how he dumbly cared for the girl and tried to make her laugh after her traumatic experience by rubbing onions onto his eyes and suffocating himself with plastics... but it ended with happy ending as usual wat show would do... haiz
after that which I went home at 1am+ and now Reaching home to write this blog.. when I walked alone.. It really felt empty as the road i used to walked always have the chance to chat with her... but now it seems so empty... and wondering what I am doin isit rite or not? jiu chan bu qing is also a painful thing to do... and a burden to the other... what can I do? I shouted towards the sky hoping god will enlighten me... but the more I do it the more hopeless I got.. how I wish some 1 was so experienced will sit by me and tell mi wat to do... and whether what I did was right anot.. I believed that if leaving her is wat it meant to be wise.. i rather I am stupid my life... cuz wat if she is the love of my life? I shldnt juz let go... juz like yanhao says... if she held on to it maybe it would had continue long.. and not juz becuz of a crush.. cuz it will soon go off.. one thing yanhao enlightened me abt being able to control the girl... I guess my believe was right.. if the girl would hold on.. u shake her with wat ever u have she will still be there... haha I think its the other way round for me though...
juz like the show I watched which i mentioned earlier.. the guy really is so dam dumb... he sold of the ring which the girl Liked so much to get her the item and things which she really needed after her abortion... he might had touched her with that ring... but he begged the shop to take it back even if they are willing to juz return 50bucks to him... he was always behind secretly taking care of her... I really hope I would meet sme person which could enlighten mi on this maybe to me I am juz her crush.. how I really missed the way she hinted me on her crush on me... although she always tells me she forgotten abt it... haha how i wished she would sms or Pm me and say she really regreted it and come back.. how i wish it was the way like b4... but now really done.. How I wish she was like yuna.. always searching for tidus.. and I was Like tidus how he wished to show yuna zarnakand the place which he live and how wonderful it was.. but he had to go becuz he is oni a dream in a real world.. and Illusion... right now she is my dream... a dream that had faded... The oni think I could do is keep searching for her... and nv forget abt it... I dunno despite the way she treats me now... My Feelings grows each Day... and getting my heart even rotten as each day passes... I also hoped that she would read this blog... well I dunno.. maybe she was too angry for what I told her abt wanting to continue jioing her back... to read anymore.. she lament me abt y i cant let her be the way she is now... Love Hurts but if Theres no hurt there wun be love... juz like suan tian ku la(sour sweet bitter and hot) its same as relationship first its sour den sweet comes by... followed by bitter... and hot is both had been thru all those which is so loving now... me and my theory.. haha the only thing which I think that will bring me happiness only is her... I can only smile and laugh normaly without faking it... also only with her... juz like that short moment of happiness she gave... Now its juz back to.. "smiling is so stupid" the old way of me already... haha... I also dunno why she show me that magazine abt the person whose love is like us.. oni its the other way round.. cuz she left for her crush... and the person writing back to the girl who wrote to the magazine says that teenagers love may find that they lose Feelings overnight... But why I dun... i dunno... maybe she should read it herself and not me... all that I have done till now I had believed its right... but Im now wavering in the middle thinking whether its wrong or right... also Theres no source there wun be mistakes... The only thing that can let me ease even a little bit is by crying and crying myself to sleep... but ya maybe its swollen and maybe my glands are dried up now... I juz cant drop even a single tears... and maybe Im Numbed... I think I stop here... If I continue on maybe I can write a whole dam database of words already....
god wouldnt u even save ur son? Enlighten me plz~ be it wateva religion..
そら
