Dunno why I juz Had this Feeling to buy Her something. dunno really... I noe veron told mi this only Makes me harder to forget her... but I juz dun 1 to stop at here.. at first wanted to ask if she at home b4 goin... well.. juz kept my phone and go instead.. so was waiting for quite sometime behind her block... also at 1st she didnt wan to accept My Gift... and I was so Dam Pissed that I actually send it Flying and hit the Dustbin... after That She sms by saying sorry for wasting My Money.. haha hope? lol I lost it.. I'm Now Dangling in Mid air with oni a thin rope... if I drop from there now Its over for me.. den when I was smoking I saw 1 aunty kicking the dam present and picked it up... soft Hearted as I do since young.. I hurried to take it back from the person... Yes I dun get angry Easily because of this very same reason also..even if I do its only short term...
[Relationships are meant to be Broken?]
[I dunno if this Is true... but this is wat art told me... I tot abt this and... maybe Its so dam true cuz pple still will woo girls tat are attached.. those are the freaking bastards.. ]
after which she sat there crying after a few SMS, infront of me... I dunno is she wanted to go back to pick it up or is she juz come back to see if I'm gone... but when She cried I felt like a Bastard.... which makes Me wants to cheer her up even If I feel like goin to suicide... cuz I juz cant bear to see her unhappy... and yet I juz cant believe she juz went away from me cuz she Likes some 1 juz recently.... sometimes how I wish I juz learnt how to smoke... den I can smoke until I get Giddy and Cannot stay awake...
after which she slowly got better we went to some place to eat prawn dumplings and bla... well from there she slowly makes me want to smile... but I was smiling reluctantly... yes a short term happiness... this makes Me even goin to believe theres only happiness with her... but I juz cant Believe she Recover so fast... 1 moment shes upset and crying and the other moment she can laugh and smile so happily... really I duno how she can do it... in the End she brought mi to interchange juz to buy me a shirt B4 she is willing to accept the gift... anyway dunno what shes tinking...
she told me b4... her Minds wanted to regret but her heart doesnt have The will and she fears hurting me again if she comes back... really I dunno is Juz me or wateva... it juz feels like she left Me cuz of that dam fear... she wan to forget me and let me go becuz of that fear... she say she will oni return if she really really really regrets it and assured that she wun hurt mi again... the oni thing I tot of how to make her regret is oni suicide.. haha but I still so insane to that section... but this Feelings Is getting stronger everytime... cuz from what it seems... it seems that she will not be able to regret... haha... hey god above.. cant u help mi... haiz.. she told me to smile like I did but can I? Its becuz of her I smile... if she wan me to smile.. smile for who? and smile to who?
also I really hope she wun bluff herself so that it allows her not to cry... and also she shldnt Leave Me juz becuz of her fears... I duno if she cares for me or is juz frenly care... she shouldnt even care if she doesnt even have the feelings.... what I saw in Friendster Bulletin to tell girls...
"Nv care too much if u dun like that person cuz the guys will think elsewise" but I also hope she wun stop caring for me juz cuz oni she wants me not to have anymroe feelings for her... but right now whatever she do still cant sway my heart... the things she do to sway me from this Love only Makes me more Miserable... more tong ku and also holding even tighter...
Fate..
Fate in Love which I believed... shld be Created from the side which either the guy or girl... take 2 parallel lines for example... each line represent each gender... if the girl Like guy she shld make it for tat line to sway even a little so that she will meet the other line... and vice versa for the guy... and then they will surely Meet and cross each other... Losing this chance may juz cut across each other without goin on the same road as each other... For Me the angle of line go towards the other had too great an angle... which hits hard onto the other line... which makes me so crappy now...
nothin more to say... so I end here
そら
